Back in the Saddle.....Roethlisberger Style!!

After a long layoff, the blog is back in action and you can all breathe a collective sigh of relief.............and breathe again........good!  AH, where to begin?  So much has happened in the sports world (non-Tiger related) that it's tough to focus on one thing, so let's start with the easiest, and that is the Man-who-wears-no-pants Big Ben Roethlisberger (arch-nemesis of Brett Favre, who wears Wrangler Jeans....ALWAYS).  I don't have much adivce to offer him except to attempt to keep from walking around with his phallus hanging about.  I personally have never tried that move on a girl, especially in public, and from the feedback females in the Pittsburgh area have been giving, it isn't exactly "on point" in terms of a classy move.  Bravo Ben, way to stay young at heart.  Marhsall Mathers (otherwise known as Eminem for all you hipsters out there) has already jumped on the anti-Ben bandwagon with lyrics to an upcoming song stating "I'd rather turn this club into a bar room brawl. Get as rowdy as Roethlisberger in a bathroom stall".  Does it get any better than that reference when your an NFL superstar?  NOPE!  Did Marshall and I just become best friends?  YUP!!

Next up: NFL Draft.  I'm not going to delve into this too much, but here is my analysis:

Winners: Buccaneers, Lions (yes, the Detroit Lions), Ravens, Bengals, Seahawks, Browns, Chefs (Chiefs, remember that commercial?  HILARIOUS!!! Right?)

Losers: BRONCOS - You are going to invest your life into Tim Tebow?  Really?  Good kid, hard worker, NOT an NFL quarterback.  They traded up for a huge project, average at best NFL quarterback, not a smart move, but hey, I'm pulling for you kid, it's not like you forced them to gamble on you. 

Jaguars....just stupid, stupid people running the show here.  Their GM quotes "I'm not trying to win a popularity contest" after drafting a no-name DT early in the first round.  Is that right?  Are you trying to prove you are the Isiah Thomas of the NFL then instead?  Do you understand you can get a STUD that early in the draft, DO YOU?!?!  I guess not.

Eagles, this includes their whole off-season and trading McNabb to the 'Skins.  Thanks Andy Reid, and go fuck yourself because now Giants fans still gotta see this guy for 2 games a season.  You look like a walrus.  I win.

Being a Giants fan, they drafted a bunch of unproven, super atheletic dudes. JPP has an 81-inch wingspan and runs a 4.70 40 time.  3 words come to mind in describing him....LARGE, BLACK, FAST. That translates well in the NFL.....plus he can backflip like 15 times in a row....that's great in football, right?  The offensive lineman they drafted in the 5th round benched 225lbs 45 times at the combine....needless to say, he'd probably beat me in a shoving match. I'm taking a wait and see approach, because who knows what these guys will do on the field.....hopefully all the draft picks will combine into Voltron and destroy opposing players....seriously, I think they'd attract a few more viewers.

In other news, the NCAA tournament has been expanded to 68 teams.....LAME!  But at least it's not 96...or 108....or 315.  I mean it's PERFECT the way it is......why try to fix something that isn't broken?  Oh, because the NCAA can squeeze more money out.....right, I forgot that MONEY is the point of the Tournament.  Not TEAMWORK, or GREAT BASKETBALL, or THRILLING FINISHES, or COLLEGE BOOSTERS, or COLLEGE CHEERLEADERS, or BEER SPONSORS.....sorry, got off topic for a second there.....you get my point though.

How to effectively beat something

As expected, Tiger Woods apologized last Friday to a room full of media members, including his mother, college roommate and other random constituents, along with his fans, all PGA players, the rest of the world, and to the parents of the many small, young confused children who considered Woods a role-model. Yes, small children that look up to El Tigre……do you know of any? At this moment none come to mind, but I’m a substitute teacher, so I’ll be on the look out this week and get back to you. Anyway, the apology was straightforward and to the point as Tiger kept repeating how sorry he was for what he had done, and explained that he is already on the road to recovery with the aid of a sex rehab clinic. Correct me if I’m wrong, but why are Tiger and ESPN(former) analyst Steve Philips admitted to such centers? I mean how are Tiger and Steve exceptions from any other dude on this planet? What makes them sex craved lunatics and not every other guy? If they are in there, it’s quite possible we could all just as easily be admitted, I’m not seeing a big difference. I’m not saying every dude does what Tiger and Steve do, but what they did was act on their thoughts, which is perhaps why they instantly gain access to the clinic. And since they got caught doing these absolutely ludicrous acts of sexual disobedience, then they are allowed to use it as a crutch and enter rehab for their “problems”? I’m sorry, but why don’t you just not cheat and then you wouldn’t have the problem? You’re famous, girls throw themselves at you probably for several reasons, but it’s not like the girls walk up to you with a pistol and say “do me, or else!” I call bullshit here. And if that is the case, then it’s a self-control issue and I don’t see where you need to visit a proclaimed sex rehab clinic to remedy the problem. Just stop being a jackass on a national level. And if you absolutely, must exist as a jackass, please do so on a private level and attempt to cover your tracks! Or don’t be married, problem solved.

Moving on, my other bone to pick with this situation is the coverage Tiger gets and how much this issue is hopelessly discussed. Some things require analysis and feedback and some help to divulge everything that is going on; some things don’t. I don’t need to hear what again, former Steven A. Smith feels about the situation….he’s fired from ESPN and STILL being brought on as a guest analyst…..WHY?! Why does ESPN love to focus on the most annoying, most overhyped, most overdramatized issues? See example: Brett Favre. Tiger made his apology…..we, the people, heard the apology because we, the people, have ears. We’ll also form our own opinions on the matter so that we can discuss such business with our colleagues and family members over meetings and meals. What is the need for 24-hour coverage with every possible and non-possible analyst weighing in with their thoughts on the issue? There just isn’t a need for it, it’s a dead horse and this point that’s being continuously flogged. FIND A NEW STORY! Now true, I could just change the channel, but there isn’t anything else that time of the day. I could turn on a soap opera……hmm, wait I found one, and this one contains all elite athletes…..strange, I wonder what it’s about?

Yo, Respec!

Congratulations, New Orleans Saints! After a long history of losing, you are now champions and deserve some “respec” for handling Peyton the way you did and capturing your first ever Super Bowl. Let me say this though, the Saints deserved to win the game, because they won the game….not because they have sucked forever, and not because of hurricane Katrina. Granted, it’s great that this very good thing happened to NO after that terrible hurricane, but they only deserve to win because they went out there and got after Manning and made some plays, not because of anything else. I don’t give a shit about curses, or goats, or being flat out god-awful for years….no one teams deserves anything over any other team. You deserve what you get. If you win, then it’s winning, however if you lose, YOU DESERVE IT!


After a long history of not being very sober on Super Bowl Sunday, I concentrated on eating and was able to recount most of the game. From what I gathered, the Saints won on a few fronts, but their main weapon was the big play. The onsides kick at halftime was brilliant – not only because it was the first ever onsides kick attempted with more than 2:00 minutes remaining in the Super Bowl, not only because it was Thomas Morstead’s (their punter) first ever attempted onsides kick, not only because it was one of the most ballsy play calls in a big game (Sean Payton, ex-Giants coach) but the way it was attempted, like a cross over in basketball Morstead ran one way, and kicked the other. Oh, and way to go Hank Baskett for making one of the worst plays of all-time on the biggest stage in NFL football. At least he gets to cry on Kendra’s shoulder, although honestly, her laugh drives me insane, however it appears Hank can look past this flaw. The other big play was Porter’s interception return for a TD. The Saints made plays on defense all year, and this time they didn’t need to knock Manning down or pressure him into oblivion, they simply jumped a route and capitalized on what would be the nail in the coffin.

Speaking of Manning, apparently he didn’t stick around to shake hands with Drew Brees and the rest of the Saints as time expired on the field. Great Peyton, how very LeBron-like of you, way to not give credit where credit is due. Here is an article I completely disagree with: http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/Peyton-Manning-storms-off-Super-Bowl-field-Is-h?urn=nfl,218314

It basically states how Manning and LeBron weren’t bad sports at all for not shaking hands after the loss, and this jackass talks about “should he of laughed off the loss on the sideline, hugged it out at the end or had drinks with them to congratulate them?” No you fucking idiot, he doesn’t need to do that shit, but he SHOULD of shook hands. That’s it, end of story. Peyton doesn’t have to run around to each Saint and perform filatio, a simple handshake will suffice, however it’s about RESPEC, the Saints won, THEY BEAT YOU, AT LEAST ACKNOWLEDGE IT! Look, we’ve all been there before, I mean I’ve not shook hands after a fucking pick-up basketball game, letting my ego get the best of me, but in respect for the game, in respect for the other team that wins, it’s the right thing to do. I mean if this doesn’t prove Eli is the better quarterback, I don’t know what will……NOT A CHANCE! But at least on this day, Eli was the better brother. And that’s what it’s all about, being the better brother.

To Flip....or not to Flip?

Did Rex Ryan just become my new favorite person………YUP! (Him and whoever started the LFL – Lingerie Football League) Enter January 30th, 2010, Sunrise, Florida for an MMA feature event. On hand this particular night, we have in attendance Trent Cole of the Eagles, Patrick Willis of the 49ers, the aforementioned Jet’s Head Coach Rex Ryan, along with Fox Sports reporter Jay Glazier…..what? Um, who doesn’t fit in here? Sorry Glazier, but shouldn’t you be hanging out with other media fanatics, not NFL stars? Anyway, not really a big deal for this fearsome foursome (Besides Glazier trying to seem publicly cool) to be on hand for such an event, but the reason it caused a national stir? It’s because Rex Ryan decided to seize a golden opportunity and deliver some much beloved hatred towards some Miami Dolphin fans - in the form of the middle finger! AWESOME. I’m not a Jet’s fan, nor do I hate the Dolphins, but I do find it fantastic that Ryan could deliver such a blow to his team’s most hated rival. I mean if Tom Coughlin did this to some Eagles fans….I’d be even prouder to call myself a Giants Fan! Hopefully, he has, or will soon!

But enough about my dreams and visions, what Ryan did was downright courageous, stupid, unprofessional, deeply satisfying and original, all at the same time: he flipped the Bird. The reason I love this act of defiance/fanaticism is because it shows that Ryan is just like us; he is human, and when provoked enough, he displays human tendencies and defends his team to the end. It shows he is coaching his team with his heart and soul and that if you talk shit about his team, he’ll go ahead and flip the Bird at you, given of course that the situation calls for it. Ryan is a glorified fan, in a head football coach position….and I couldn’t be happier with his behavior. Even the NFL approves! To prove that, the Jet’s fined Ryan $50,000….but the NFL didn’t exert any punishment, at all.

I read more into this story and learned that Ryan was approached by the same Dolphin’s fans three times at the event that night, where the fans continually berated him with Dolphin’s shit-talking and personal threats, and then they even spit on him! When Rex left that evening, he walked by the rabid fans administered a most raucous Bird, to all of our delights; EVERY Jet’s fan lived vicariously through Ryan at that exact moment! Hopefully, the weight wasn’t too much to bear, pun intended. I even applaud Ryan for not taking it to a physical level, and I feel that this situation certainly warranted a Bird appearance. Speaking of physical, Ryan reminds me of a certain movie character…..UB (John Candy). If you don’t know what those initials stand for, I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul. But, he just kind of emanates him, I mean the weight factor definitely plays a part, but Ryan’s demeanor is very similar to UB’s. And who wouldn’t want UB as an Uncle? In the same light, after his most recent act of courageousness, who wouldn’t want Rex Ryan as their head coach? He is UB….as a head football coach….’nuff said!

Bowl-A-Rama

Some things never change. And no, I’m not talking about the 11th album of the progressive rock band known as Supertramp, which was released in 1997, with the hit track “Live to Love you”, (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Some_Things_Never_Change) I’m talking about most fan’s reactions to the annual NFL all-star game: The infamous Pro Bowl. The Pro Bowl is known for including incredible weather, half-speed effort by players, and is almost always played AFTER the Super Bowl….until this year! That’s right ladies and gents, for the first time ever the Pro Bowl was played the week BEFORE the Super Bowl at this year’s SB site, Miami, Florida. The move was not very well received by the players, who usually expect to be “chillin” in Hawaii if they are selected to go, however I’m in agreement that from a fan perspective, the move was well worth it. This year’s attendance: 70,697, 2nd most all-time for a Pro Bowl and largest since the game was played in LA in 1959. (http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/gamecenter/recap/NFL_20100131_NFC@AFC/afc-victorious-over-nfc-in-pro-bowl-schaub-named-mvp) Both teams also combined for over 400 passing yards, I believe breaking a record, which is definitely not shocking considering the current NFL trend of “airing it out” coupled with the always constant “I’ll go half-speed…..tops, but definitely not exert any more effort than that” attitude by the Pro Bowlers. Well……at least half-speed on defense, those offensive guys like to do what they do. Anyway, I think it was a success, with the AFC beating the NFC 41-34, brining the series record to a standstill at 20-20…..man, we are in for a real treat next season to see who takes control of this exciting matchup....I can’t wait! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pro_Bowl#AFC.E2.80.93NFC_Pro_Bowls_.281971.E2.80.93present.29)


As a fan, we were able to see explosive offenses (or lack of defense) as well as able to fill in the week before the Super Bowl with at least a semi-meaningful game. Success! I don’t really care how the players feel; this game is for the fans (me and you…and maybe some other people who like to think they are fans). It’s worth noting however that through all of the injuries and players that couldn’t participate due to the Super Bowl, nearly 40% of the original players selected weren’t able to play, which paved the way for some other guys that were arguably “supposed” to be there, or “not supposed” to, which again I felt was good for the League. The average fan probably still feels the Pro Bowl is a waste of time, but in response to that, it appears the NFL is attempting to make the game more exciting/meaningful. I think the next step is to add some competitions, like a Punt, Pass, Catch sort of thing, and model it as close to the successful NBA all-star game as possible. But I mean who am I to suggest such things?

Oops....He did it again!

Does Brittany Spears know Brett Favre? If not, I think it’s about time the two met, perhaps for a casual drink, or perhaps via facebook, because their worlds are a lot closer than one may think. Aren’t they both from the South? Hmmmm…….

Brett Favre doesn’t have a good history of playing well in NFC championship games. In fact, he is 1 for 4 in his career…and this past Sunday’s game was more of the same good ‘ol Favre: one mistake too many. First off, let me go on record and say that I rank Brett in my top 10 of greatest QB’s of all time. In terms of gunslingers, he is the premier example. If he played baseball, Favre would be Babe Ruth, lead the league in homers and strikeouts…..an extremely entertaining QB to watch, however also a guy who can single handedly lose any game. This was not the case this past Sunday, as the Vikings registered 5, yes 5, turnovers and lost in OT to the Saints. It wasn’t Wranglers Jean's Finest throwing picks all day, it was the fact that the Vikings just couldn’t hold onto the ball. When you turn the ball over that much, you basically give yourself no chance to win. Props to the Purple-People Eaters for even having a CHANCE to win that game with how many times they gave the ball up. And for yet one more year, we all get to play the “what’s Favre going to next season” game…..a game that I’ve come to loathe in the past few years. But I will say this, and I’m echoing Colin Cowherd’s words, in that if someone approached me at the age of 39, knowing full well that I could still at least play decent football and said “hey, we’ll give you $23 million to play for us….or you can sit at home on the couch”. Honestly, I’d probably play football too, I mean why wouldn’t you? The only thing that could deter me would be sitting back in the pocket and taking a beating….which is what the Saints did to Favre this past Sunday, which could influence his decision to retire next season, although I DON’T CARE!

By the way, I was 4 points off my score prediction for this game, and predicted the Viking’s score exactly. Just thought I’d make that known. I am awesome. Onto that, “other” game, where my prediction was not terribly far off either....

Peyton Manning…..umm, yeah I got him in my top 3 greatest QB’s of all-time….and he’s making a strong case for the G.O.A.T. The Colt’s ho-hummingly won yet another game and are now the clear favorites to win their second Super Bowl in 4 years. That makes 3 Manning appearances in the Super Bowl out of the past 4 (remember Brother Eli in 2007? I do. He should have been in “The Book of Eli” instead of Denzel Washington…just my opinion) The Jet’s played their hearts out, gotta feel for them, they even had the lead at half-time, but it just doesn’t’ matter with Peyton playing, he is the anti-Favre and is almost always mistake free and ALWAYS gives his team a chance to win, the door is just never shut with this guy. They played Miami earlier this season, had the ball for about 6 minutes the entire game and still won…..I don’t understand it, but I respect it. He’s just that good.

With that in mind, we are getting the Super Bowl that almost everyone wanted to see with the Saints and Colts. I’d like to see the Saints win one for themselves, for the city of New Orleans and just because they’ve never won one before….very similar to the Philadelphia Eagles in the never-winning-it-all department, not that I’m bringing that up or anything. My fearless forecast: Colts 42 – Saints 37. Don’t ask me how those scores will get there; just know that it will probably happen since I can predict the future when it comes to the NFL.

Rehab Clinics, Bad First Names, and NFL Picks.....Oh My!

The Tiger Woods saga continues this week and with the latest installment, we learn that Tiger is now admitted into a sex rehabilitation clinic in Mississippi. I guess if you really need to stop thinking about porn stars, cocktail waitresses and entertainment directors in a sexual fashion, then you locate a sex clinic in Mississippi and check yourself in. I will make a mental note of this. But hey, good for him, this at least shows the public he has admitted to having a problem and is trying to get it corrected, and perhaps help save his marriage as well. Early rumors point to the Masters in April to initiate his comeback and I couldn’t agree more. I think that he needs to get back out playing the sport he loves as soon as humanly possible, but he will need to make sure he is in “the zone”, as media and fans will be taking shots at him left and right. It’s also possible the fellow golfer who set El Tigre up with his current separated wife, the great one known as Jesper Parnevik, MIGHT have a few more words of his own for the media regarding Tiger….since his golf game won’t be drawing much attention once Tiger starts being himself again. Personally, I find that guy to have a ridiculous name and don’t really care for what he has to say. Jesper? Great job, Mama and Papa Parnevik.



Let’s get right into the picks: I’m going with the Jets and the Saints. Here is why:

The Jets ended the regular season as the #1 ranked rushing team on offense and the #1 ranked team for total defense. Plain and simple, these are the two components that get a team to the Super Bowl, if not win it all. I’d choose the Colts if they still had a healthy Bob Sanders at safety, which in my opinion helped them tremendously in their SB run of 2006, as their defense held Larry Johnson to 32 yards in their first playoff game, Jamal Lewis to 53 yards in their second game, and Corey Dillon to 48 yards in the AFC Championship game. In the Super Bowl that year, they did give up over 100 rushing yards to the Bear’s running back, who at that time was, yep, you guessed it, Thomas Jones!! See that, everything comes full circle. Now of course, the Colts won the Super Bowl that year, but that’s because they played against the turnover legend known as Rex Grossman. I think the Jets will pound the rock this Sunday and they will disguise their blitzes well enough where it will confuse Manning just enough to throw him off his game. I think Sanchez can manage the game against a well-coached but not dominating Colt’s defense. Final score: Jets 24 – Colts 20

For those of you that read my first article, you know how I feel about what Brett Favre is doing this season, which consists of making magic moments week in and week out. Greg Lewis, in the back of the end zone vs the Niners, with time expiring? Really??? Sorry, but that won’t happen ever again. In fact, I’ll go out on a limb and say I don’t think Greg Lewis will ever score again. Enough about Greg Lewis, this is about Brett Favre. I don’t see the magic carrying him through the Super Dome onto the Super Bowl. I just feel that the magic has to run out at some point….and that point will be in New Orleans. The Saints are the most balanced team left in the playoffs with stars on offense and defense, AND a great special teams unit. They can beat you a number of ways and with Reggie Bush running like USC Reggie Bush, I think they are the team to beat right now. They are also coached by one of the best around in Sean Peyton, an ex-Giant, of course. Final Score: Saints 35 – Vikings 28